From the Drafts #1: Exasperation

Written by nickchristian86

I’ve been becoming reacquainted with my little wordpress platform and killed some time Friday reading some of the entries I had in my drafts folder. The following was written close to two years ago when I was feeling a little lost/stuck. It’s funny to look back on thoughts like this. In the span of two years I guess I can say I learned that opportunities do come if you stick with it. I’m THE coach at the school I am at, I’m feeling comfortable with how I’m progressing as a teacher, and I know I do a damn good job putting together an extracurricular event when I get the chance (I’ve shown it). Whoever is reading this: Keep working. Follow your joy. You’ll find where you’re needed.

Original Draft:

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Sometimes I find myself screaming. The rage grows and unleashes. If it were a visual display, it would likely eliminate all that came in it’s path – as if it were some anime firestorm special attack. But it’s just frustration. Non-verbal frustration that rises and dissipates at every instance of ire.

I need more.

It’s become a realization of mine as this year creeps to a close. I don’t know if I am happy in any phase of my current existence.

• I talk myself out of any writing idea I have
• I’m not coaching.
• Any idea I pitch is being shot down or fumbled away.
• I don’t know what I want to do next.

That last one is the point that really bugs me. I have to pick a path and I see what is at the end of the path which makes me second guess: “Is that what I want to be?”

I was asked a couple of days ago if I planned on doing anything fun this summer. My reply was that I am just trying to get to the finish line of this year.

• Coaching
• Teaching
• writing

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