I was going to have a career in sports.

All throughout high school I knew that I was going to work in the world of football. I wanted to be a coach, or in a front office, or just have some sort of role on a team in the NFL. It meant something to me. It still means something to me. When I am involved with football I feel like I am in with something bigger than myself. It’s almost a religious experience for me. Life would have made sense that way for me.

After high school I successfully made my way into a FBS (Football sub division otherwise known as division one) program and worked as an equipment manager there for four years. I learned so much and was living my dream. I got to see football being taught at one of the highest levels in the country and I felt that sense of self amplified to levels beyond previous comprehension. I was doing what I wanted. I was headed where I wanted. How could anything have gone wrong?

The college I went to, the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque, was more than 2200 miles away from where I grew up. I was leaving my scenically quaint and almost Utopian home town for the desert. For a place where I knew no one and no one knew me. I was a blank slate and ready to start the next chapter of my life on my own terms – away from my parents and away from anyone who ever knew me. I was excited.

My initial major in college was Business Administration with a concentration in Sports Management. I figured if I didn’t find a way to become a coach I could work in a front office. It was a pretty good fall out plan.

The next year of my life was pretty textbook. I got in crazy good shape because I spent my entire day outside catching and throwing footballs or moving and setting up drills. I was meeting a bunch of different and cool people from everywhere around the country – I worked on a football team that recruited people from California, Texas and Florida among other places. My dorm mates were pretty cool (although one jackass stole my computer) and after a rocky first semester academically, I turned things around in semester two.

But then the summer came and I met “her”.

A little back story about me up until this point. I was (and still am) an avid movie watcher. I jumped roped between fat and thin so many times in high school that I never really felt comfortable with anyone but myself. While other people read books and plays or various forms of poetry, I watched an analyzed movies. That’s how I got into English or writing and, arguably, into college.

The movies that always resonated with me the most were romantic comedies. I think they balance me out. Because the other part of me spent so much time with a high-adrenaline activity like football, I think I needed (or need) romantic comedies so I wouldn’t turn into one specific thing. What I enjoyed the most about them are the characters: I wanted to be the dude that got the girl, the guy that made someone their world and immortalized her in almost Shakespearean standards. I always viewed myself in that light.

Going back to UNM, I met her outside of my dorm. There was a group of us who would hang out in a courtyard and that is when I first saw her. We connected over our shared interests in music, english and movies – I had never meant another person who liked, or even knew of, Jonny Lang (let alone a girl). I was enthralled. We spent all of our time together. My life became a country song of forgotten friends, cleaning up the corners of my life and over-strung emotions.

Fast forward to about a year after that and her and I lived in an apartment we couldn’t afford a couple of miles away from school. She dropped out of classes because she couldn’t afford it anymore and I started to fail everything. Like ev-er-y-thing. My GPA looked like a Cy Young winner’s ERA. It got low. We also started to resent each other. The thing they don’t tell you about those romantic comedy leads is that the flip side to that is a guy who can be clingy, jealousy and spiteful. I became that dude. I never wanted to be that dude. Eventually she just left.

I believed in true love. I believed in love at first sight, storybook endings and people who would be together forever. When that didn’t happen I could not operate. I couldn’t function. I threw myself into a deep, dark, twisty shell and I stayed there for a long time. In some ways I still might be there.

So, heartbroken and sitting in our old room, I put on a movie: Moulin Rouge. Let me stress to all of you healthy, well-adjusted people who still exist in the world, Moulin Rouge is NOT a movie you (or anyone) should watch after a breakup. The movie is about a writer who falls in love with a singer who is sick. They, along with a bunch of other people, put on a musical and, by the end of it, the singer dies. The writer then, in a drunken, absinthe-filled stupor of clarity, pens their story as a means of working out whatever was in his head. I cannot understate the level to which this movie has affect my personality, creativity and overall life.

In a desperate need to be Ewan McGregor (the writer), I started writing. I wrote about everything. I tried different writing styles and poured my heart into everything I did. That level of perpetual sorrow created everything I know about my literary self. Bad and good. It was my building block. It was my creation moment. That was when my Bruce Wayne morphed into Batman, when my Peter Parker became Spider man, when my Walter White became Heisenberg (lol, can’t believe my head went there last).

From that negative bloomed a positive. I became a writer. I am everything I now know because of that.

I think I will end with one of the sub-prompts from the overall challenge and hopefully it won’t sound too cliche because of the aforementioned story. I write because I want to try to encapsulate love in the various ways I see it. I write because I like to create a character who can love someone so unconditionally – especially in a world in which we seemingly drop people from our lives so seamlessly. I write because I’m afraid the concept of love I grew up believing in doesn’t exist and I want to do all I can to breathe love into that ideal.

So that’s me.

Update 5/31: Friday’s prompt was about what you wanted to be when you grow up. I figured adding the link to this would give the best example.

I hope you enjoyed my response to this prompt. Read how these people became writers:

  1. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | The WordPress C(h)ronicle
  2. Writing Challenge: Why Do I Write? | Miss Diaries
  3. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | Awl and Scribe
  4. This is Why I Write | Musings | WANGSGARD
  5. Writerly Life | melissuhhsmiles
  6. Writerly Reflections | emilycharlotteould
  7. Keep On Writing, Everyone | Never Stationary
  8. Weekly Photo Challenge: Reflection | Blessings through raindrops…
  9. Never at a Loss for Words | The Ravenously Disappearing Woman
  10. Why I Write | Fish Of Gold
  11. Negativity Insults My Intelligence | Bumblepuppies
  12. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | samallen230
  13. The Beginning | snapshotsofawanderingheart
  14. A Challenge Followed by a Challenge | Kami’s Beautiful Morning
  15. Origin Story: Why I Write | Lead us from the Unreal to the Real
  16. Why I Write | Lead us from the Unreal to the Real
  17. Dreaming About My Dream Job | Musings | WANGSGARD
  18. Where it All Began | Passionate Dreaming
  19. My Lifeline | Artfully Aspiring
  20. Ichabod Crane in a 1960s straight legged suite | The Seminary of Praying Mantis
  21. Instant Writer: Just Add Library | Charron’s Chatter
  22. (DP Challenge) Life’s Pit Stops: Journal of Becoming a Writer | Jenkins Writings
  23. dear sir or madame would you read my book? | eastelmhurst.a.go.go
  24. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | siobhanmcnamara
  25. Weekly Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | imagination
  26. Weekly Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | Reflections and Nightmares- Irene A Waters (writer and memoirist)
  27. Stuck In A Blogging Rut | Eclecticfemale’s Blog
  28. Weekly Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | Morrighan’s Muse
  29. Writing Challenge — Writerly Refections |
  30. Reflection on reading | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
  31. DP challenge: Writerly Reflections. | A cup of noodle soup
  32. My Origin Story | Simply Miko
  33. Reponse to- Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | really, villie?
  34. “We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” —Ernest Hemingway | Chronicles of Illusions
  35. How The Snot People Paved The Way For My Life As a Writer | momaste
  36. Writing Growing Up | Among the Whispers
  37. Writing Challenge: How I became a writer | writingtutortips
  38. Feet in my Shoes, Mary I Am | Mary J Melange
  39. Why write? | fifty5words
  40. Write What You Know | 365 Days of Thank You
  41. My Supergeek Superpower | Abstractions of Life
  42. A Moose and Three Giraffes | Master of Something I’m Yet To Discover
  43. writing is the pits | Musings of a Random Mind
  44. Writerly Reflections | Icezine
  45. writing challenge: reflections | Phylor’s Blog
  46. Falling in Love | Jody Lynne
  47. The Librarian, the Library and the Words | jen groeber: mama art
  48. Why Writers Write | jsleflore
  49. Writerly Reflections | Alexia Jones
  50. Why I Write… | Day to Embrace Change
  51. Writing Sneaks Up, Won’t Go Away | abundance in the boondocks
  52. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | nagwak25
  53. Origins | the little things in life
  54. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | xin’s blog
  55. WRITING CHALLENGE: WRITERLY REFLECTIONS | All I Need Is Pink!
  56. It’s all about the story | Not famous for anything
  57. Bedtime Stories: The Cat Who Wore a Pot On Her Head.” | Destino
  58. Writerly Reflection | Thinking Languages!
  59. writing off the wall | litadoolan
  60. Writerly Reflections: Discovering Poetry | Indigoat Footnote
  61. My Journey As A Writer | The Flibberatic Skreebles
  62. A tale of origins and embarrassing family secrets! | Melissa Barker-Simpson
  63. The day Agatha became my friend | Hope* the happy hugger
  64. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections | Rose Red Stories
  65. Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections, rather my first try for this, how I started writing or what made me start in the first place | seikaiha’s blah-blah-blah
  66. I am and I am not | Attempted Human Relations and Self
  67. How Did I Get Here? | the intrinsickness
  68. Throw Back The Pen | Ako Si Ehm Blog
  69. Writerly Reflections | A Life with Limits

 

 

 

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Welcome to the empty recesses of my mind! I'm a recent college graduate realizing a Creative Writing degree was a bad idea. Give me a pity like. Or you could check out the about sections (on the front page and about this author page) on my blog to learn a little more about me. Whatever. https://thebohemianrockstarpresents.wordpress.com/

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