A couple of days ago I started to write a post that I was calling the ten things not to say to your wife/girlfriend. The intended post really stemmed out from one joke that I thought was funny and then a bunch that were really played out. That’s why I decided not to publish it.
Last night I started thinking about that and if there was something that I could do that was enough like it. And, while it didn’t provide for the best one-liners, the thought of doing a post about my faults made me smile. So, let’s give that a try:
- I read about the first 100 pages of books and skim the rest. I hate that I do that. By the time I get that far into a book I usually find something else that garners my attention and I totally forget about the first book. It bugs the daylights out of me. Seemingly the only time I finish a book is when I have to read it for a class.
- My feet will always smell. Socks, no socks, sneakers, sandals, slippers – there is no cure. Old spice and gold bond have a customer for life. Thanks genetics!
- My smile. I need to get a job so I can get to a dentist and give him/her just an obscene amount of money. I’ll leave it at that.
- My eyes. Wait, I actually I have nice eyes. I like my eyes a lot. I think what I mean when I say my eyes is my rationale for saying my eyes. I typically delve into a story where (paraphrasing) I justify having nice eyes based off a compliment received from a stripper in Albuquerque. Good times.
- My obsessive-compulsive addiction to Pepsi. I swear, if I ever get back on an eating/drink healthy kick, I will lose so much weight by simply not drinking soda anymore.
- My appreciation for singer/songwriter and alternative bands of the nineties. It’s cliché and I’m better than that. (I’m also writing this while listening to the Counting Crows’ “August and Everything After” album.)
- My love for romantic comedies. I don’t think this is a fault – society does.
- I rationalize wasting money on cheap movies: “They’re the books of the future!” No Nick standing in any Walmart ever, they’re not.
- My overwhelming need to be remembered eternally.
- I think piles of clothing at opposite ends of the room is an adequate organizational system.