Doesnt this look like a frustrated person? I mean, look at my crazy eys. Don’t they just show centuries of angst? They do. I need to make a good picture for my school profile (given i actually pull a rabbit from my colon and he shows me how to make gold from pepsi cans and dog hair). I think these are the times for which photoshop was invented.

I’m frustrated.

College, more specifically a bachelors degree, is something that is tied directly to my current self worth. I need to get this degree so i can get to the next stage of the plan i have for my life. Otherwise i don’t know who i am or what i am heading towards.

I do not think the monies to pay for college will be readily available by the Bridgewater State College deadline next week. My Financial Aid is fucked up. Capital F. My loan information didnt transfer automatically (still hasnt transfered correctly) and i do not know if i will be able to fix it within the next nine days.

Doctors offices make me uncomfortable. And not in the good way. I know there are things i need to work on, but i dont view them as drastic as other people do.

Actually, i have been sitting at this computer for the last hour and a half; just watching the email refresh – just hoping i will get something from someone saying all of this has been figured the fuck out.

I get alot of messages from tarot.com.

If there isnt stress filled in all of this, i got signed up to go to the doctor today. So i went and was told everything i already knew. That i need to lose weight to have a happier and healthier life. The doctor also said he doesnt need to see me for another two years. But since it is the first time i have been there, i will need to do blood work. I don’t know if i am out of the woods yet.

Weight has always been an issue for me. Since birth really. In High School i weighed the weight i am now (way more body fat) and then i decided to lose weight. I lost 120 pounds. I went from 260 to 140. I went from people talking to me about my excess of weight to my lack there of.

Imagine the message that sends to a kid. People give them all this food, condem them for eating it and then once they take their fitness to a point where they are comfortable with, they get accused of having certain afflictions. What does that do to a kid’s self image?

After regaining the weight, losing that weight, regaining once more and losing that, then going through the process one more time – i am now faced with the regained weight on the structure of my frame. This time, while confronted with the task of losing the weight once more, i don’t know if i want to do it. I am at a stage in my life where, mentally, i am sharp and concise. I know what i want and how i want to proceed. Why do i have to be asthetically pleasing when i am psychologically content?

These different roadblocks keep popping up – the weight, the fiscal issues – and i am getting tired of running down these barriers. It’s tasking. I’ve accomplished good and i have worked my ass off (on, according to my doctor and society) I really want these shots i am taking to start to go down. I’m sick of seeing it fall from the backboard and into someone elses arms.

Awe metaphors.

I would be really excited for my classes this semester if i had the money.All the classes, especially my rhetoric of new media course (Hi to whoever is reading!), are dynamic and actively engaging. If there werent this overwhelming cloud of doubt as to whether or not i would be able to pay for these classes in the next 9 days – i think i might actually be excited as to my prospects. Imagine how good a feeling that could possibly be.

We were getting too real there. I have a bunch of comment stuff and actual studying to do – so that means i have to sun this post up quick and deflect the extra thousand i have to write to another night.

Netflix has the new episodes of Melissa and Joey which has been a nice way to go since the end of Parks and Recreation (which was awesome by the way – it was really easy to blow through though. Season four was the best).  There is something about Mellisa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence that go well together. It just looks natural and their chemistry is inherent. They fit each other well.

I also like the layout of the show. TV land had a very good set up going with all of these old school sitcom formats with a new age feel.

I read earlier today that Bobby V finally blew up on radio. Whoever took the over won alot of money.

He has to be gone by the end of the season. There has to be someone that is better equiped to run that team then he is. The P-p-p-pressure is obviously getting to that dude.

A little RHV update. Earlier in the group we had a member go off in a thread. I think i will have to specify that since Lori and i are the only two people managing the site we might not get everything done in a reasonable amount of time.

I hadnt checked the site for a couple of hours and i entered on it to see a woman who posted something five hours prior going off on the site – claiming that since she was Canadian we were not posting her picture and that we were just there to exploit the members of the site for x, y, and z.

My response should have been this.

What do you think? Do you agree? Do you love it? Or am i a complete tool? Any response is welcome!

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