It’s 4 am; I’m on the muse’s couch, slow sipping a blue solo cup of water, watching “Nine” (The Daniel Day Lewis flick, not the animated film).

I cant sleep. I’ve tried. I slept for two hours 11pm-1am. I woke up about a half an hour before Lori got home (I am/was watching her kids while she went to the casino with her mom) and havent been able to pass back out.

The birds outside keep chirping and there was a drunk guy running up and down the hallway for like a 20 minute span that consistantly prohibited me from acquiring slumber.

I came close to working on Juliet. But it turns out the pages i wrote last didnt save – which really pissed me off and made me not want to work on it. Maybe that s a cop out, but it is the way shit went down.

I feel more and more like heathcliff daily. Random, i know. I just had to get that out in writing.

I’m excited for the next week. I sub gym at an elementary school close to my house for an entire week. That means i shouldnt wast gas driving here and there. the local ABC affiliate has been contacting us via the facebook page in an effort to do a story. Hopefully we will be able to get that done this week.

I dont know if i’ve talked about the fundraising success we have had for the RHV project. The car wash we did in Farmington last weekend Grossed us more than $800. That made me really happy. Chilis didnt go as well as we had planned, but the car wash was a thrilling suprise.

Less than three months untill this event actually goes down. I’m nervous. We still need to confirm the last two speakers, buy/rent all of the items, oh and i have multiple pages of content i have to write. Being the idealist i am i really only think of the good things that can come out of it: a heightened awareness of crime in the community, a voice to the people who feel voiceless, comfort to a woman i want to see happy again.

It’s weird to think that right after that i will be leaving Albuquerque indefinitely. There is a part of me that wants to stay, finish up a degree online and see what difference i can make in my southwest world. But i feel something looming over me – a cloud of sorts. There are so many things i have yet to accomplish, so many pieces of me that feel incomplete. I just question if going back there will fill these voids.

I feel half of me happy here and the other half happy there. Maybe i am stuck in the middle somewhere. maybe i have irrational delusions about one place which disallows me to relinguish the control it has over me.

The fact of the matter is no matter how i feel about my short term hapiness, i have to look and think long term. I can not have the job i want to have without a Bachelors degree from some sort of higher education university. I have family members i need to go see on the east coast before i do not have another chance to go see them again. I know the things i have to do i just don’t want to do them.

Fuck being an adult.

I need sleep before these kids get up. Plus i dont want to be asleep for the celtics game this afternoon. Maybe i will work on Juliet later. I think i may have the inspiration to do so.

What do you think? Do you agree? Do you love it? Or am i a complete tool? Any response is welcome!

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